Moley moley moley

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep who could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?

Apes don't read philosophy.

Yes they do, Otto, they just don't understand it.

It would be lovely to have a week off work except for the fact that I can't leave the house. To be truthful I could leave the house but I would have to wear a paper bag over my head or be ridiculed about having steristrips plastered all over my face. I guess there is always short term loss for long term gain (as a model that is...!!!) The thing that I keep going back to is now I will be able to watch the 'moley moley' scene on Austin Powers without cringing. Although... I am now concerned that I will have similar troubles with the movie 'Scarface'.... Now a scar always needs a good story. I am debating whether or not to have 5 different stories for each scar or one for the whole lot i.e. as I was pressing down the coffee plunger it shattered and shards of glass impaled my face.....???

Since my last blog i have in fact had another 'bike incident'. I was going for a ride on my recently borrowed roadbike early on a Saturday morning when I decided to turn around and head back home. I must have turned too sharp as I started to fall to the ground. It is amazing how fast thought processes work. Mine went like this... shit I think i'm falling, gotta get my feet out of the clips, crap.. they're stuck, well.. if i'm gonna fall i'm gonna fall.... eugh. At this point I am laying on my side, feet still clipped into the pedals with an extremely sore elbow and ankle.

Still living with the folks, doing the usual stuff. Work is going well. Still struggling at Spanish. Trip to Canada coming along nicely. New veggies planted. Compost bin erected no thanks to my father. Alicia crossfire back in town bless her lovely heart. Laneway festival next weekend. Hopefully scars healed.

Last weekend I decided to have a rather sophisticated Friday night consisting of Spanish, followed by wine and nibbles with Normster. Well... 4 bottles of wine later and a message from Sav and we were at the Lotus lounge. Fortunately, my memory extends beyond this point unlike Norm. Highlights were being tapped on the shoulder by Norm from behind the bar only to then watch him be escorted out of the door.... More alternative dancing but made all the better with Sav going one to one with me on the dance floor... wokawow... night ends with crazy face masks and dancing on a table. Sophistication was definitley not the end result. Not to be deterred I will continue trying.

What I love about this blog is that nobody reads it... shazzzzaaammmmmmmmm :-)

2008: year of the potato.

Coughlin's law: never tell tales about a woman. No matter how far away she is, she'll always hear you.

So... not much happening really but felt that I should really blog considering I haven't done it for about a month. I have managed to get a hold of a new bike after mine was stolen whilst I was overseas. I have gone from being the proud owner of a relatively nice road bike to an ever so slightly bitter owner of a rusted old repco complete with rusted old bell. I shouldn't complain as it was given to me for free but one has to consider that there is a reason for it being gratis. I took it into town the other day and was feeling quite cool in a "retro" kind of way until I got the wheels stuck in the tramline on the corner of King William St and Greenhill Rd. Fortunately I managed to stay upright but not without a few panicked squeals and amused looks from people waiting at the traffic lights.

I have been wondering... are carsalesmen naturally untrustworthy, smarmy, cons or does a caryard bring out the worst in people. I should have known better... never trust a grey haired man who dyes it a garish shade of orange. To cut a long story short... I have instead purchased a black Toyota Yaris after basically going on a rally car test drive around Mt Barker. Picture me wide eyed, panicked, fearing for my life.... "YES! It does take the corners well doesn't it....." (our father who art in heaven .....) "AHA... it is quite amazing that you can go from 0-100 km/hr in a matter of seconds...." (hallowed be thy name)

At present I am housesitting for a colleague of mine at Victor Harbor. I am temporarily responsible for 2 horses, a cat and a home with amazing views overlooking the ocean. Since my arrival I have been sensed some hostility from the cat. Mind you she is 14, quite physically impaired and most probably very stuck in her ways. She was quite distressed by my singing and dancing... so much so that she started hissing at me and then went and hid under the bed. I am now working at building bridges as I would hate for her to lose the will to live. Phil, Anke and Ben would never forgive me.

So.. lifes going A-OK. Keeping busy. I am really looking forward to the up and coming Fringe Festival, Womadelaide, Laneway festival etc. More things to spend my money on. I have taken to filling in an excel spreadsheet recording my expenditure. Basically I have come to the conclusion that either alcohol is exorbitantly priced or I drink exorbitant amounts...

I have been trying to think of something profound that has happened to me or a lesson learned over the past month. The only thing I can think of is... when you take a resident for a walk outside the nursing home grounds make sure the doors are unlocked or there is a way to get back into the residential facility.

Reasons against being designated driver

I do believe Marsellus Wallace, my husband, your boss, told you to take ME out and do WHATEVER I WANTED. Now I wanna dance, I wanna win. I want that trophy, so dance good.

On my reccommendation do not volunteer to be designated driver at a family wedding. What may seem a dignified event is sure to turn into mayhem. Whips and all.



Arrival time: 1300... met with drinks, overlooking the beautiful beach at Port Elliot. Lovely ceremony to join Jon and Dayle in marriage. 1315: downward spiral. But as Tristan said (slurred) at about 1700... 'at least we are on some sort of spiral'. 1500: whip cracking on road 1600: whip cracking in Elliot Hotel beer garden generously pruning the bushes and trees. 1700: Mum, Krystal and Rhianna dancing to lebanese music in her jeep 1800: more whip cracking, Dad receives nasty whip mark on chest thanks to Tristan 1800: Tristan serenades the crowds 1900: Move inside away from the masses 2000: I put my foot down and ask Tristan not to remove tinsel from dart board. State that it is time to leave. 2130: Finally move about 10m out to door to car park only to start up with the bloody whip cracking again.... Finally arrive home to have a well earned glass of wine except everyone is either not feeling to well or off to bed.... Peace at last...!

Not much else happening... Veggie patch coming on nicely. I invited mum and dad to share my beans and zucchini the other night only to be told that... we really need some red meat darling... hence the 1m x 1m lamb chop they proceeded to eat...! Some people just dont see the nutritional value in eating minute, rather dismal looking ORGANIC vegetables. My new philosophy is the smaller and more pathetic looking the better!! Surely the taste is just more concentrated?!?!

Dementialympics

Tea can do many things, Jane, but it can't bring back the dead.

Went to do a mobility assessment on a nursing home patient who happens to also suffer from dementia. When I asked her if I could take her for a walk she looked quite offended and said that she didn't really want to. After much coaxing we set off on our stroll and after about 5 metres she turned to me and said 'I can actually run'. Now.. before I had a chance to really comprehend this or do anything about it she was off... striding out down the corridor. Fortunately this lady is actually relatively young and fit or not so fortunate as I had to catch her up!! She had fantastic running technique.. symmetry, arms pumping, high knees... Needless to say she passed her mobility assessment with flying colours.. she probably would have passed an elite level running assessment..

Capoeira is still proving difficult. Especially the flexibility component. The other night I just about put my hip out doing a kartwheel. The loud popping sound worried both me and one of the instructors. I am still suffering and haven't been able to make it tonight!! I think I should stick to ball sports.

Visited good old Booleroo on the weekend. Dry and dusty as ever. Had a great time catching up with my oldest friends although got slightly out of hand. Although.. admittedly I didn't end up dancing on the bar unlike those who shall not be named. There are a few things that become more apparent to me with time. One of those is there are some things you never learn. Hence why.. despite my raging headache driving back to Adelaide I will no doubt enjoy a glass or a few to many glasses of wine at some point in the future. The other is that with time I just realise more and more that I have a whole lot more to learn.

So..it's been a while..

I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg?

Yeah, I think so.

No. The answer is you can not.

Back in Oz living the dream... Dreaming I must have been when I thought that I could live with my parents 1 hour away from Adelaide amongst nature and trees and... more nature and trees.

To find meaning in my life I have decided to take Spanish and Capoeira lessons. Bit of a South American theme going on. Capoeira is... interesting... it seems to require a combination of strength, flexibility, coordination and a whole lot of other things that I seemingly don't have. In fact.. to make it even more difficult one is supposed to be able to sing and clap at the same time which I struggle with let alone dodge kicks and reactly swiftly in a chanting hodder. Spanish is coming along in a similar fashion. Although it is difficult to concentrate when there is a group of women practicing samba in their carnivale outfits. Even so, this probably doesn't excuse the following event..

Patty was asking me a series of questions i.e. Do you have family? To which I responded..
"Ci, yo tengo dos enanos".. Now being the intuitive person that I am I noticed that Patty looked completely bewildered and confused. When I asked if what I had said was wrong she asked if I did actually have 2 midgets in my family... No... I don't... but enanos and ermanos do sound similar...

Otherwise my evenings are occupied by my slug and pest control ritual, which involves stealth via torchlight. It astounds me that slugs can actually scale plastic bottles!! I am hoping my Dad doesn't notice that his pale ale supply is rapidly decreasing but if he does I am sure he will be pleased to know that it is proving to be a great slug trap called 'death by beer paddling pool'. Actually.. Dads support of my organic veggie patch has been far from acceptable.. his most recent comment being that if we all tried to farm organically we would all starve. I don't think I would starve. I just think I would have to eat a hell of a lot of tomatos and lettuce over the summer.

What else.. Started some physio work at a couple of practices. Went fishing the other day. Caught a puffer fish and some other minging sea creature. Forgot that when you catch something that you actually have to get it off the hook. Damn those puffer fish.
Other than that just getting back into things. Changing my life plans daily.

Hey, did you lose weight, or a limb?

Happy Easter to all. Spent mine in South Wales camping at Cadarn Bunkhouse with about 80 other people for a combined birthday party. Had a fantastic time. Went horse riding which was interesting. Trotting is much harder than it appears and advice such as 'just feel the rhythm' is nigh on useless when all you can feel is jolting through your spine as the pony (mongrel pony might I add) jolts into action without warning. Thank goodness I didn't have to get back onto the horse the next day as my groin/thighs were definately not up to the challenge. Not to mention that when I was delegated my pony who was deceptively named 'Sugar', I was informed that... "Sugar is by himself because he is a little grumpy and doesn't like the other horses"...great. I was fortunate enough to have the honour of mounting this mongrel pony as I had ridden a horse at the age of 5 and was considered slightly more advanced than the 4 other people. Managed to survive two hours of walking/occassional bursts of trots and get back to the farm in one piece. The most challenging aspect of this ordeal for most people was wrenching the horse to stop it from eating grass otherwise you'd receive an earful from the supervisor at the back. Although Rachel/horse whisperer did have a close call as she recalled that as a child she rode a horse and it broke into a canter therefore that qualified her as an 'advanced rider'. It was evident the stablehand didn't agree as she chased Rachel and her horse out of the arena shouting 'stop.. stop.. maybe you should stay in the beginner group'. After being hauled through some brambles Rachel was taken back to the stables where her horse proceeded to do lap after lap without 'rein' (?!?!) instruction .

Other than that.. I am back in Manchester working at St Mary's. Had my flat mates bike stolen on Friday night (was in organic grocery store for 15 minutes and the little vermin nabbed it). Went for a beautiful walk in the Peak District on Saturday. Played with the lambies in the fields and visited a National Trust home/garden. Sunday went for another walk and had a fabulous Sunday roast.

Going to Katrina (ex colleague/house mate) and Matthew's wedding on Saturday evening.

Hope you are all well. Ciao xoxo



Sophie, Ruth, Me and Becky at Rachels Birthday (Theme 'R' or Latino)

Rachel, Ruth, Sophie and Becky... did someone say pout?!?!


Rachel (the horse whisperer).. setting off for Cadarn Bunkhouse...

Jennie all ready for the sun..

You have really kind eyes, you know that?

Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins.

Have had a fantastic week with Champs and Hannah in Les Gets snowboarding. We managed to choose a week where they had their best snow fall for the whole season. Was a little cold but conditions for landing were much softer!! Fortunately no major injuries were sustained despite a few bruises, whiplash and possibly mild concussion. The potential for much worse damage was there especially after going out until 4am and then being on the slopes at 9am the next morning. We were extremely unsteady on our boards but needed to take some video footage. Unfortunately we weren't carving up the slopes as usual but did manage to stand on our boards for long enough to get some footage. The rest of the morning was spent making snow angels in the fresh snow.

Spotted some seriously awful jumpsuits out on the slopes. I can't work out if it is European cool or really bad taste. I started to think there was a crazy jumpsuit competition going on that I was unaware of. Wouldn't have stood a chance anyway.

Anywho.. just waiting for my 10hr bus journey to bologna where I am spending a week at Ca del Buca organic farming. Hopefully it will be a little warmer.

Hannah, Champs and I on the slopes of Les Gets

Champs donning the celebrity sunnies...

Hannah donning the celebrity sunnies...

Me donning the celebrity sunnies...

Champs in the ever flattering dungarees...